A bit of reflection

Two weeks from today, I’ll be on the plane to America. (Just for Christmas vacation, not permanently) It’s a weird feeling, but I think it will be nice to be in an English speaking country again for a bit ^^ 

My next big trip is gonna be Australia I think ^^ I have to go see my precious Tazi after all ❤ That and I've always wanted to go. 

Did you know that when I was little, my dream was to live in Australia and work with the crocodile hunter? He was one of my heroes as a kid. I know a lot of people don’t like him, a certain Australian friend in particular, but it broke my heart when he died and it still hurts even now. I think after I’ve run my course in Japan, and hopefully become competent enough in the language, I’m going to give Australia a try. I know it sounds kind of stupid and fruitless, but to work at a zoo or something like that down there would be really wonderful. Even if it’s just for a little while. 

~~~~~~~

Yesterday, one of my 2nd graders gave a speech that was actually quite inspiring. It was called “My Dream.” She asked us which of these five things we thought she wanted to be and to raise our hands for which we thought(I picked number 4): 

1. A doctor
2. A model
3. A preschool teacher
4. A bookstore worker
5. A bakery worker

After we’d all answered, she said she wanted to be all of them. She then went through and explained how she wanted to incorporate parts of all of these into her life and why she wanted to do each. She even put on a little model show for us to show how good she’d be at it. It was one of the most powerful speeches I’ve ever heard and it was from a second grader. It was really mind blowing. I asked the teachers later who’d helped her with it, and they said they didn’t have to. She wrote it all on her own…..

She’s an incredible little girl. 

I think that’s the best way. Not to have just one big dream, because when you lose that, then you lose your way and your sense of self. I think it’s better to have a lot of small dreams and one big one. Work toward one at a time and then there’s not that sense of loss and hopelessness if you can’t achieve one or two, since you’ve achieved other things already. 

Someone once told me, life isn’t a ladder, it’s a jungle gym. Nothing goes in a straight line. The tiniest thing can change your life in a way you could never predict and one chance meeting on a train or on the street could change everything you thought you knew. 

I’m working hard to not get down on myself, because I know I do, far too often. There are some days I hate that I live alone, in a country that I can’t speak the language fluently, and working for a company that I can’t stand, especially when I get made fun of for being single….but then I look around at my life compared to others. I am so lucky and blessed. 

I have a steady(ish) job that I don’t hate everyday, I have a family that loves me unconditionally and who I know will always help me if I need it, which is a lot more than most people can say, and I have a roof over my head and a car that runs…most of the time…

I live in one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, surrounded by some of the nicest people I’ve ever met and I get to go see the shows I love life sometimes. 

I live in a country that lots of people can only dream of going to and even in the prefecture that people pay tons of money to see everyday. I’m more or less healthy, I have fish to keep me company, even though one of them is a jerk that likes to sleep upside down on the surface of the water =_=; ….

Yes, my apartment is occasionally invaded by stink bugs(kamemushi) and geckos, but it’s a nice place and my neighbors are respectful and quiet for the most part. I have a kotatsu and a lovely view of a bamboo forest which is a great thing during the day (at night it’s terrifying, however). 

Japan has driven me to drink lately, but thankfully it’s only coffee. I’ve actually stopped drinking alcohol completely, though I never drank it much in the first place. 

I have it pretty darn good and I am so thankful for what I have and for the family that supports me and helped me get here. I am completely self-supporting now and it’s a really cool feeling. I couldn’t have done it alone. 

Normally, my posts are about what I’ve been doing, but this time I felt it was important to just talk about life in general. Sometimes it’s good to reflect on the good things in life, especially when you’re constantly bombarded by bad things and other people’s negativity. 

I’ve messed up a lot in life and done some AMAZINGLY stupid things, but…

This is who I am right now. I know who I am will change, heck, I’ve changed drastically just this year, but….I know I’ll become a better person…

Or a psycho killer, one of the two ;D 


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